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Cynically Beautiful

I need a hug

I feel it coming in again. Slowly, silently creeping up on me, trying to sneak up on me, take me by surprise so that I will do what it wants me to do. It started over break with the dreams, dreams that I die, that everyone around me dies. The "Panic attacks" are back to0. They arn't panic attacks but I don't know what else to call them. Everytime I try and go to sleep I'll jerk awake may heart pounding and me gasping for air... I don't know what it is but it keeps me awake half the night and then I wake up irritable and grouchy. I can also feel the sadness creeping in... the pathetic need to get in my bed curl up there and cry forever... I wish I knew what was wrong with me... I am trying to be fine, but Rob totally called me on it, he said I seemed off, it was scary that it was that obvious to him over IM I thought I was good at hiding things like that but apparently he knows me better than that. I'm not ok, but I don't know whats wrong with me either.I just want it to go away so that I can get through this school year and be happy.

I don't even have a reason to be like this, I mean the only thing really going wrong in my life is biology... everything else is going well, so what the fuck?? I want to kick myself... someone fix me...









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