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Cynically BeautifulPonder The SilenceThe silence is killing me... I HATE moving out! I miss my friends, I miss having people to laugh with at 3 am, I miss stephy telling me I need to eat, I miss christy's random bursts of song, I miss Derrick's flying at me hugs, and Charles' "Dee!" and other such random noises. I miss all this and I have only been gone for about 14 hours. I wonder what they are all doing right now and I hate the fact that I don't know... How the hell am I supposed to get through the rest of the summer? I was supposed to go hand out with Fred today but he never called me back.... I geuss I can't be too mad.. we haven't known eathother very long, but I really didn't feel like sitting here tonight. I didn't feel like missing anyone, I didn't feel like feeling so loney, stuck in this silence. Blah I have called everyone here that I can think of and I still feel enveloped it... Grar!I guess Justin came into Angela's work today. She said he didn't really even acknowlege the baby... I hate him. No, I don't but I HATE that I make myself agonize over how heartbroken/angry/depressed he was gonna be and he just shrugs it off. I mean seriously I made myself sick over it! I cried over it and I bled over it and he just shrugs it off... I am glad that he is ok with it-- really I am--- but I just wish that he would have had some sort of reaction so that I didn't feel like I was caring so much about someone who doesn't give a flying fuck about me. He doesn't, not really. Angela gave him our number, told him to call... he didn't I knew he wouldn't... All I can say is that I am fucking sick of putting my heart and soul into my "friends" and recieving nothing in return. I am done with it... I am not gonna agonize over people who can't even bother with me. I almost called him today, but then I realized that I am always the one to call, the one to sacrifice, the one to plan... I don't want to do it anymore I want someone to do it for me. Really, is that to much to ask? Is that selfish? To all my friends who have been there for me and cared for me I thank you, for those that I may have let down I am sorry, I never meant to hurt you...
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