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Cynically Beautiful

On writing... again

I really don't have much to say, I just feel this tremendous need to write. I get that way ever now and then as I imagine most writers do. The problem with me lies in the fact that sometimes what I need to say is hidden so deep down inside that even I don't know what I want to say. What exactly it is that I am needing to express. Maybe it comes from my childhood. I was one of those really weird kids that wouldn't even get a glass of water out of my own kitchen. I was so afraid of upsetting people that I didn't do or say anything that I thought might upset someone. I couldn't even write it down back then. I guess that probably had everything to do with my explosion later on. In middle school when I found drugs and alcohol I also found a way to let my voice out, my REAL voice and I didn't give a damn if everyone hated it. Eventually I learned to speak my mind, without the acohol and weed but sometimes my writing still struggles. I get these ideas, and I just can't write them down. I know there is a reason for it, something offbeat that is keeping my from settling into the groove that allows me to write pages and pages at a time. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't. The problem is that unless there is pressure involved it doesn't work... I was hoping to get some stuff written over the summer to work on for the fall but it isn't working, moving around from place to place isn't really helping either..

Blah. Maybe I just need to force myself... maybe everything needs to be a little less crazy... maybe I need a few less things spinning around in my head... maybe I need just a little bit of inspiration...









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