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Cynically Beautiful

and you wonder why i'm so fucked up

My Mother had another fight with the boyfriend from hell. This one was about something he said IN HIS SLEEP! She was screaming and cussing sooo bad. I am happy that he quit drinking and that she hasn't had much today (for her anyway) cuz it probably would have turned into another fighting match and unlike my sister I really don't have the balls to break it up... last time she punched him her pushed her away and she fell, nearly breaking her wrist. I thought she had gotten rid of him, but she went crawling back, mostly for the sex. They fight constently, people wonder why I am so careful about relationships, look what I have as an exsample? The worst part is that Robby was on the phone with me and could hear them screaming. God it was embarrassing, I just wanted to crawl under something and hide.

Then she told him she loved him just to get him of her back. I hate how she has cheapened a phrase that should mean so much. People tell me they love me and it is weird I mean I do love my friends but I would much rather show them that than tell them. The phrase has meant so little in my life. So many people that "love" me have done shitty things.

I just wanna leave. I swear if they pull this shit when my friends are here I am gonna lose my fucking mind. I need out. I am so sick of being the rational adult of the house... I wanna be the one screaming and slamming doors, but I never will. Fighting is so stupid. If you really do care for someone you should never have to fight like that (I am not talking kids here) you should be able to talk about it or let it slide... nothing is worth saying things you don't mean, hurt feelings may never fully heal...

Anyone need a roomie?









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